It's been about 45 years since you've left anything underneath my Christmas tree. Would it kill you to drop off a Marvin the Martian toy once and a while? I've given up hope of getting the helper you had at the mall. The cute one with the red hair. I wrote and asked for her last year. I realize you're probably keeping her for yourself when Mrs. Claus isn't around. Still, would it kill you to drop off something once every couple of decades? There won't be any milk and cookies near the tree tonight. But there will be a nice glass of Bourbon to cut through that winter chill. Stop by and have yourself a snort. You must at least have one of those crappy snow globes. Surely you could spare one of them. Just something.
While you're at it, for those folks who love to read, you might drop off a copy of Six Guns Straight From Hell 2. That's my latest anthology. Gunslingers & Ghost Stories is another thought. People like ghost stories. I'm sure you can find half a million or so people who would enjoy a nice book. So have yourself a nice Christmas.