Monday, December 24, 2012

Guess Who's Comin to Town ?

I wonder who came up with Santa Claus. It’s a bizarre concept: Some fat old guy likes having children sit on his lap, and he can watch them sleeping and knows everything about them. It sort of sounds like he should be in a sex offender registry.

Santa has not given me a present in 47 years. Somehow, I doubt he’s going to bring me one tonight. When I was informed by my mother that there was no such thing as Santa Claus, I wasn’t really all that surprised. I’d been suspicious for some time. They tell you the bad kids don’t get any presents–yet the kid two doors down was evil incarnate and he always got better presents than I did.

Now, I was really bummed to find out about the Easter Bunny. I just loved hunting for Easter eggs and that was a major let down.

Some advice for writers. My science fiction novel Adventures in the Secret Police has Santa Claus as a character. This turned out to be a major disaster. It was attacked relentlessly with the constant “We don’t do seasonal material.” The problem was, and is, it’s not about Christmas in any way. Christmas is never mentioned. But, the mere mention of Santa gets a book shitcanned. It’s available now [the cover's lower on this page], but it never got much attention and was never taken seriously. So, my advice is don’t put seasonal entities in your book, regardless of why they’re there. In this case, Santa is the villain and Mr. North from the Secret Police is trying to stop him and his evil plot. AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH CHRISTMAS.

No comments:

Post a Comment