Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

You know, it's been like 30 years since you put anything for me underneath the tree.  Would it kill you to drop off a gift this Christmas eve?  I'm not that hard to buy for.  If you can't come up with something nice, a sack full of money always makes for a nice present. 

The fireplace is all clean now.  Although, you can always just use the back door. 

Thanks again,

Dave