Sunday, August 30, 2015


I got a haircut yesterday.  They're one of those things that can only be put off for so long.  From time to time friends and coworkers have mentioned they needed to get a haircut.  I often offer to cut it for them--but always warn them that I've never actually done a human, but the dogs I've given haircuts to seemed to like theirs.  Alas, their owners didn't feel that way.  So the dog has a bald patch.  The dog doesn't really care. So it's a little lopsided, the dog can limp for a few days and no one will notice. Dogs don't expect perfection.  Boy their owners sure do.  

My first dog cut was my parents golden retriever.  It was an extremely hot day and I got some scissors and "How'd you like to get rid of some of that hair for the summer?"  Okay, I'm hot all the time, the dog agreed.  Well, technically, he didn't look too good when he was done.  And my mom came home from somewhere and was furious.  But my customer was delighted.  He seemed much cooler and liked the short-haired version of a golden retriever.  Did I mention mom was furious?

Well, over time I did a few more dog cuts and my technique improved quire a bit. I never got one single complaint from any dog I gave a haircut to.  And that's all I can say.  100% customer satisfaction.  I would never take up dog grooming. No way in hell. The dogs are easy enough to please, but people sure are picky.

And no one's ever taken me up on my offer. I still haven't done a human. 

Friday, August 28, 2015

Advice on underwear

One of the more baffling pieces of parental advice I got as a child was, "Always wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."  Truth is, if you're in an accident, it's not all that likely your underwear will remain all that clean.  I was thinking about that yesterday as I was wearing underwear that wasn't from the clean laundry drawer.  It wasn't disgusting or anything, just pre-worn.  So, had I gotten into an accident, I'm sure the doctors and nurses would have been standing around the hallway at the hospital saying stuff like, "His underwear wasn't clean when he came in here."  Yep, I'm sure that would have been first thing on their minds. 

"He knew his underwear wasn't clean and wore it anyway. Film at eleven here on 9 News."  At least I had underwear on.  And today I'm wearing clean underwear, as I finally got around to doing laundry. 

Know something else?  The socks I'm wearing have holes in them.  I'm a real disgrace. Socks cost too much and I'm getting all the wear out of them I possibly can. When the holes get bigger, then perhaps I'll buy more socks. 

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Dog Day

Today is supposed to be National Dog Day.  Just a reminder that my novella The Pirate Dogs is available to help celebrate.  This is a novella about a pirate ship crewed by dogs in an alternate world. They have a variety of short adventures thwarting the British navy.

Bizarro Burgers

Well, there was some news about Burger King wanting to combine the Big Mac with the Whopper for a special event.  I don't know exactly what they had in mind.  I went to Micky Dees and then to Bk and got one of each and combined them.  All I can say is it's one mighty strange sandwich. No picture of it here.  I can say I don't think there would be a long line to get one.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015


I don't have snow tires.  I just have regular all season tires.  I've never had snow tires.  Most everyone I know has snow tires.  I live in a ski resort and we get lots of snow.  So, the question that arises is am I an idiot or visionary pioneer.  It can be quite expensive if you change your tires twice a year. Then there's the matter of storing the winter tires in the summer. I get the feeling some people leave their snow tires on year round--and that's not smart as they aren't made for the hot roads of summer.Damned if you do and damned if you don't.  

Sunday, August 23, 2015

blog posting on Aaron

I recently posted here about Aaron B. Larson, who died recently.  R. T. Lawton was another one of Aaron's friends and a fellow writer.I have a link below to his posting about Aaron.  I think it's well worth reading, even if you didn't know him.


One of the more vexing things I've encountered as an editor is dealing with writers.  You would think, after a writer submitted a story to an anthology and was sent a contract which had the same terms that were described in the writers guidelines, that individual would sign and return the contract so that person would be included in the book. Not so, unfortunately.  Without exception, every anthology I've edited has had at least one holdout who would not sign the contract and was ultimately dropped from the project.  Meanwhile so many writers are looking for that opportunity to get published.

Why?  I have no idea.  We're not talking about someone who replied and said "I don't like paragraph three in the contract." Oh no.  We're talking about somebody who sent in a story, was sent a contract, then went as silent as a submarine in a war zone.  No, we just waste everyone's time and at the end of the day go silent, No contract is ever returned and no reason why is ever given. I once had to cancel a charity contract because half the writers would not sign the contract or respond to the offer.

I don't think these so-called writer support groups and the people who crank out writing books have a clue this goes on quite often.  Well, it does.  And I'm working on a book right now where this has happened yet again.  I doubt that I will ever understand it. My contracts are very simple agreements. There is nothing duplicitous or complicated about them. Hell, the book I'm working on right now has a lawyer who is one of the contributors and he has no problem with my contracts.  No, it's something else--something very strange in the makeup of people who call themselves writers. 

Saturday, August 22, 2015

The Sun Also Rises On Desolate Worlds

Well, I had a conversation with someone over the bad things that happen in life--particularly the death of someone we both knew. Then she said some nonsense about "The sun will still rise tomorrow."

I replied "The sun also rises over desolate worlds. It rises over Mars just as it does over Earth."  Well, that comment didn't go over so well.  But it's true. People go around spewing out nonsensical statements and and then they get mad if someone points out the inconsistencies or the nonsense behind them.  I guess that's why people don't like me.  But I'm right.  When we completely destroy civilization on this planet the one certainty is the sun will continue to rise every morning--even if no one is around to see the sunrise.  

Friday, August 21, 2015

Banking and more

Well, after a day with no money, my money is back in  my account.  And I still have no idea where it went. The bank has no explanation.  At least I didn't bounce any checks while my money was away on vacation.

Thursday, August 20, 2015


Well, my bank stole my money.  They don't know where it is.  It's just gone.  It's just amazing how screwed up our financial system has gotten.  There's no indication this is some sort of identity theft issue.  The money simply disappeared and my bank cannot explain where it went.  Maybe money under the mattress may not be such a bad idea after all.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Let Em Eat Cake

As I've mentioned before, my "day job" is at a hotel.  We've had an ungodly amount of weddings this summer.  One observation I've noticed compared to years past is the cakes.  That expensive tiered cake with the plastic people on top appears to be dying out.  I've noticed most of the weddings are opting for sheet cakes and even regular three layer cakes.  It makes sense, as one can obtain these at a bakery or even a chain grocery store for a lot less money.  I doubt the wedding industry likes this concept.  

Saturday, August 15, 2015

Chess program

As I mentioned yesterday, I took my free upgrade to Winders 10 and immediately regretted it. They took away my chess program.  I guess they'd already done this with Winders 8.  This has forced me to look around for another chess program.  I don't like what I'm seeing and I'm not even sure if any of them will run on Winders 10.  I don't like this at all.

Friday, August 14, 2015


Well, I got my free upgrade to Winders 10.  I wish I had left everything at Winders 7.  Don't really like the so-called improvement and they took away my chess game that was included with the earlier version.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

kustomer service?

Well, I bought a gift card for a large online store from a large grocery chain.  I bought it because they give you fuel points if you buy them.  Boy that worked out real well. The gift card was defective and some of the code on it was smeared.  Well, the store has a toll free number where they claim they'll help you if you have a problem.  So I called it. And I was told my call was important to them and it would be answered in the order received.  And I waited on hold and I waited and I waited.  I finally put the phone down and went to the bank and got a hair cut and had lunch. Three hours later I came back to the phone.  The recording was still playing that my call was important to them--like hell.It's obvious they don't have anyone there at all answering the phone. It's just  a recording and they know everyone will eventually give up. So  I still have a defective gift card that I can't use;.  Hell of a deal.

Monday, August 10, 2015


The new cover of Story Emporium has a dinosaur on it.  I was reminiscing about this dinosaur footprints place in Texas that our family went to when we were kids.  They had fossilized dinosaur footprints.  We were fairly young, but I still remember it.  But what I remember most of all was this machine in the gift shop.  You could make your own dinosaur. They were molded out of plastic and they came out still warm and ready to play with.  And you could select what you wanted, at least with a few options.  My brother got a triceratops.It was blue and really cool looking.  But what's bothering me with this scenario is I can't remember what kind of dinosaur I got out of the machine--no recollection whatsoever.  I don't understand why I can remember my brother's dinosaur but not my own.

Boys like dinosaurs.  They really do.  Unless they're one of those sissy kids. If you need a gift idea, just get the kid a dinosaur and you won't go wrong. 

Friday, August 7, 2015

Farting in elevators

I've learned a few things over the years.  One thing I've learned is don't fart in hotel lobbies. Inevitably, a few seconds after passing wind some guest will come by. If there's no one else around they'll figure out where it came from likity split. Not so with elevators. If you pass wind inside one and get out, then you can send send the elevator off to some other floor and go about your business.  And if someone gets on, well most people don't comprehend three dimensions all that well.  

Thursday, August 6, 2015

things not to say

David Boop's Twitter has top ten things not to say to a writer.  I got a few chuckles out of it. The winner, hands down, in my opinion is "I thought you were dead."  Check it out.

Although my own personal favorite is "How come I've never heard of you?" That's not on the list--that really happened to ME.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Garbage wonders

We've been having  a fox turning over trash cans at the hotel I work at.  It's astonishing how disgusting the garbage in these cans is.  I've noticed, for the most part, the fox passes on whatever yuk is in the cans and just leaves a mess behind and walks away.  Yep, our trash is so bad the fox doesn't even want it.  I think the fox just likes knocking over trash cans.  I don't really know why we don't have the animal resistant trash cans in our outside areas.  

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Back o the bus

I just booked some travel for a family member.  I do that every now and then.  I haven't been travelling much, so it's not like I ever book anything for me.  I like to sit in the back row of the plane. Everyone else always seems to want to be up front. I can't figure out why.   It's often less crowded and you're close to the restroom.  And they say the tail section is where the survivors are [except on Lost]. Not to be confused with travel on a bus. You never want to be near the restrooms on a bus.  

Sunday, August 2, 2015


I had to help a hotel guest find out how to get to the planetarium in Denver.  That got me wondering something--why do they call it a planetarium?  It's about stars.  Most of the shows aren't even about planets.  Ergo, why is it called a planetarium?