Friday, December 25, 2015

Dear Santa

Thanks for nothing.  I didn't really expect anything this year and you did not disappoint.  I didn't really want any of your crappy gifts anyway.  I still haven't forgotten the defective telescope I got when I was in the second grade.  And the defective toy printing press.  And those chocolate covered cherries where the mice had gotten into the box and eaten half of them--I still remember those lovely little gems covered with mouse turds.  

Oh. and the defective bicycle pump--who the hell gives a kid a bicycle pump? That should come standard with the blasted bicycle.

So, as I've said before, I think you should work a little more on your quality control.  But since you don't give me presents anymore, I'm just basing this on some fairly old data.

And how come they quit making those cool flying saucer calendars?  I really liked those.

You pal, 


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