Well, it's been around 48 years since you brought me anything, but who's counting? Have I offended you in some way? The last time you even came by you gave the dog a nice squeaky soccer ball and stiffed me. He loved that ball. You didn't give me a ball. I didn't get nothin'
So, what about this year? Let bygones be bygones? That cute redhead who works at the hardware store would be a good starter. A date with her would put a smile on my face. I don't think she likes me, but you're living proof fat old guys can win over the ladies.
If that's not in the cards, how about some cards. I sure would like a nice trip to Las Vegas so I could play some cards. I don't really care for the local casino and would rather gamble in Las Vegas.
No? Well, there's always cash. I find I never seem to have enough cash and could really use some more. Gift cards are nice, too.
Of course the old car needs to be replaced. A shiny new red one would be splendid. I got an actual tree this year, so you can put my gift, whatever it is, right under there just fine. Except for the car, which probably wouldn't fit.
By the way, do you have any clout with the fortune cookie people? They promised me fabulous wealth would soon come my way and it's been a year and I still haven't got my wealth yet. Just wondering.