Sunday, December 1, 2019

Mr. Balls

About a decade ago I worked for the census.  One of the people who I had to ad, as my crew was updating information such as addresses not in the system, was a guy named Harry Balls.  Say this aloud if you don't get the humor here.  One of my co-workers was a man named Raymond Broadbeard.  He'd been given the name "Harry Balls" by a resident. He asked me if it was real? How would I know?  Although it did have a certain similarity to one of those crank names Bart Simpson used to call up Moe's Tavern.  But it was not our place to question Mr. Balls.  And I did note his mailbox was stenciled Balls, whether they were hairy or not was something I did not really want to find out.

Well, Raymond vowed to set out and find some of the stranger names people have and wrap them up into a book.  As we're approaching the new census, I got to thinking about Raymond and contacted him.  He never did the book. He found it impossible to research. [Census data is kept secret for 75 years by law]. I kind of figured out that was the case.

Since Raymond still lives in Central Colorado, I suggested he contact Mr. Balls and ask how he survived middle school with a name like that.  Alas, Harry no longer lived at the same house.  The fellow who now lived there was named "Won Hung Lo" and I'm not certain about the spelling. Think about that one and we're still on the subject of balls. Say it out loud if you still can't get the irony.

I did find some guy who spelled it differently, Harry Baals, a former mayor of Ft Wayne, Indiana.  I doubt he's our Harry.  So, Harry, if you're out there, please don't contact me. It's Raymond who wanted to talk to you about your balls, not me.


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