Tuesday, May 19, 2020

Help Wanted For Our Times

Help wanted:  Hoard Rampager I.  This position is for anticipation for the coming plague-ridden end of days. Rampager will join a roving hoard and forage for food and supplies, including taking of same by force, fashioning and maintaining weapons, guarding same and other duties as assigned.  Must be willing to mercilessly kill people.  Experience with heavy equipment or mining equipment to force open secure underground bunkers especially desirable.  Benefits include generous share of the loot and opportunities for rape and other violent acts.  Experience preferred but will train the right applicant.  A criminal record is not considered a problem for this position.  Submit resume to Mayhem Temporary Personnel Services.


Help wanted: Camouflage Expert.  Must be able to design and install materials that will make underground bunkers and survival food storage sheds hidden from roving hoards and other thieves. Successful candidate will have experience with paint and construction materials.  Must be able to fool hoards into thinking there is nothing of value on client's property.  Salary can be in either gold or freeze dried food products.  Submit resume to Mayhem Temporary Personnel Services.

Help wanted: Medical services provider. In anticipation for the coming end of days, a physician or nurse practitioner is desired to deliver and administer medical supplies to survival bunkers, including antibiotics and vaccines for preventing deadly outbreaks.  Ability to treat bullet wounds would be a  plus.  Bullet proof vest and sidearm provided. Payment can be in gold or freeze dried food products. Submit resume to Mayhem Temporary Personnel Services.

Help wanted:  Plague body remover.  In anticipation of the coming end of days, a robust individual is required to go around to homes and businesses and collect dead bodies from plague ravaged neighborhoods and dispose of same. This can include digging graves or building home made crematoriums.  Ability to evade roving hoards would be a plus.  Experience with Ebola or Sars or similar outbreaks highly desirable. Payment can be in gold or freeze dried food products.  Submit resume to Mayhem Temporary Personnel Services.




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